First name, last name, title, nickname, does our choice of address really matter? Absolutely.
People get fond of acquiring one all purpose answer that they can use for every occasion. It’s easier. We like to dress up that desire for ease with noble claims like equality and humility.

The Baby Boomer generation, of which I am at the very tail end, took great pride in reducing address to its most casual and equal level. The erroneous thought was that everyone is deserving of the same respect and treatment and that we were all the same in love. I say erroneous because while we are all part of the same whole and all have the same desire for love and happiness, our interrelations are not ever the “same.” Each and every relationship is unique, not only from other relationships but according to the different conditions of any given moment.

I have felt and hopefully demonstrated respect for my sons every day of their lives. I address them by their first names or by endearments. I am quite selective of when and where and in whose company I use those endearments. What might be acceptable in the company of family might be awkward among family friends, and embarrassing in front of school friends, and belittling in front of their colleagues. If either of my sons became a teacher and I had an opportunity to visit him in his classroom and perhaps ask a question, I would address him as Mr. Eldridge. I would do this because it would be appropriate to the conditions. My choice of address would help to maintain an air of formality and respect for the position of teacher. It would also help to role model to his students proper behavior. Where will our young learn these things if not from their elders?

I went to high school with President Barrack Obama. If I were to attend an event where I passed through a receiving line to greet him I would address him as Mr. President rather than Barry which is the only way I have ever addressed him in the past. I would do this because it would be appropriate to the conditions of that specific interaction with that specific person, not because I think he’s better than I am or more deserving of respect.

As a martial art black belt and teacher I am used to people addressing me in all manner of ways: Sensei, Ma’am, Mrs. Eldridge, Myotoshi, Tori, Dude, Girl, Little Missy, Dear Student, you name it. In fact, most of the people I know will use a varied selection of names as is appropriate for the particular conditions. For example one of my teachers might refer to me as Mrs. Eldridge while I am teaching, Myotoshi while I am training in the company of newer students, Tori when we’re training together, and some generic nickname while having lunch. Does this mean that my teacher has less respect for me as a person during lunch?

I was incredibly gratified to hear my youngest son voice these same opinions. He took great pride in telling me that when he works (at the grocery store) he addresses people in accordance to what he deems appropriate ie. Ma’am and Sir to strangers, Mr. and Mrs. to his teachers, first names or generic nick names for peers, but to all he is professional and polite. He brought up this subject to me because he was astounded at how little courtesy and sense appropriateness exists, especially among his generation.

I am disturbed but not astonished because I understand the cause and I see the effect. When those who have gone before fail to role model properly, the society that follows deteriorates.