Most people I have found believe that encouraging feedback while the speaker is telling his story, is an important part of active listening.  It may surprise some people to realize that we do not always want someone nodding as if to say, “yes I understand, me too,” when we’re telling a heartfelt story.  Sometimes we want our situation to be appreciated for its distinction, good or bad.  A good listener is one who can stay focused on what they’re hearing, restrain from planning their own response while they’re listening, and abstain from preconceived feedback which includes reflex head nodding. 
 
We can respond to any story through concept or detail.  This allows us the versatility to offer empathy through commonality or astonished appreciation through distinction according to what the speaker might need from us at the time. 
 
When we reduce a story to concept and ignore the details, we can relate to any person, in any situation.  We all understand rage, joy, betrayal, frustration, wonder, etc.  We don’t need to have shared the exact experience or even approve of the experience to relate to it conceptually.  Contrarily, when we focus on the details and ignore the concepts we can appreciate the difference and uniqueness of what we are hearing even if it resembles our own experience.  For example, I have never moved to Dallas for a job without having ever visited the city.  I have, however, moved from Hawaii to NYC on a wing and a prayer.  If I focus on the concept of the stress of uncertainty I can empathize easily with this future Texan.   If I focus on the details of this person’s  particular story then I can see it as completely different from my own.
 
This technique also works to relate to people who are dramatically different from, or perhaps even heinous to, ourselves.  For example, we have never murdered anyone.  However if we needed to relate to a murderer we could do so by virtue of concepts like rage, loss of control, desire for control, misdirected righteousness, etc.  When we expand a situation to its broadest concept, we can relate to anyone, providing that we want or need to do so.  I have never owned a billion dollar business but I can relate to the concepts of power, responsibility, risk, and indulgence.
 
If we listen without preconception, the speaker will let us know how best to relate.  If we are willing, we can then utilize the commonality of concepts or the distinction of details to help them feel heard and appreciated in an authentic way.  But of course,.. we have to be willing.